Grief Relief

February is a month often associated with the heart thanks to the celebration of Valentine’s Day on the 14th. The heart has long been a symbol of vitality, and this holiday is an uplifting one. But February is also still deeply winter. Winter is a time of slowness, cold, hibernation. Dead leaves blanket the ground we walk. Recently, a friend lost a loved a one. I’ve been pondering the way winter and grief are another lens through which to consider the heart this time of year. As I mulled over what herbal allies I could offer to my friend, I realized there was a lot of overlap with the herbs I think about for Valentine’s Day. The following is what I settled on.

Linden – Grief can’t be rushed, though we often try because our society is uncomfortable with grief and expects us to move on and “get back to normal.” Linden is nourishing, moistening, and soothing. I find it helps me to be present with my emotions without a critical inner voice.

Rose – Ah, rose. The quintessential Valentine’s Day flower. Rose is gently astringent which means tightening and toning. This is true on a physical level but it’s also true on an emotional level. This makes rose soothing when we feel like we’re falling apart.

Violet leaf – Romans and Greeks associated violets with funerals, scattering them on the graves of children. Like Linden, violet leaves are nourishing and moistening helping to support us when grief has left us feeling depleted or empty. Violet and linden pair nicely together.

Hawthorn leaf + flower – Perhaps the most popular herb for cardiovascular health. Another example of how herbs work on both a physical and an emotional level. These trees have thorns that can be up to three inches long. Sometimes in grief we want to curl up into a ball and just feel safe. Something about hawthorns having thorns feels protective.

Goji berries – While the above four herbs felt like a supportive blend, I found myself wanting to add a touch of sweetness. Losing a loved one is painful and difficult. In the days and weeks after a death, we cry an abundance of sad tears. But we also find ourselves reminiscing about the things we loved about them and telling stories. To laugh in grief feels wrong and yet haven’t we all found ourselves in the wake of loss wiping away tears, not of pain, but of laughter as we relive a funny moment we had with them?

If this year you find yourself struggling with pain, loss, or grief – I hope this blend can be of support.